Technique of the Kamis and or Gods slash bakumatsu
by c-ko1
Summary: Read and weep all bad fic writers.


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Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin and you're lucky I don't Hahaha.

Kaoru had been running, running forever (yes, running). Her lungs were pulsating with her wild breathing. 

"I have been running forever," Kaoru said to herself. She tried to calm her shaky legs, which were quite tired from the run. Presently, she was sitting on a rock behind the dojo Ah, she was probably safe. Probably she was safe. "I am most likely safe." Kaoru lamented her thoughts aloud. 

"Not so fast." Said a familiar voice.

"Oh no!" Kaoru lamented her thoughts again.

"Yeah, not so fast." Repeated the smaller version of the bigger version.

"Oh no!" Kaoru lamented.

"This is a pretty lame-o hiding place." Said the taller one.

"Yeah, lame-o!" The little one repeated. 

"Lame-o?" Kaoru's brow furrowed, "Is that even a word? Because I don't think that it's a word. It's not a word." She convinced herself. 

"Lame-o _is_ a word." The big one responded.

"Yeah, fuck you, asshole!" Said the little one. 

The big one looked down on the little one. The little one gets socked in the arm and it hurts. A lot.

"That hurt me A lot." Said the little one. The big one socked the little one in the arm again in the same place, using the ancient fighting technique where one re-establishes a wound by hitting the same place twice. 

"You are very amazing, you amazing fighter person, you is." Kaoru belted out in admiration. "Kaoru like." Kaoru was now incapable of speaking actual sentences, in awe of the awesome fighting technique that she had just seen performed. 

"De gozaru. De gozaru. Yo? Yo?" Kenshin sauntered in. 

"Kenshin. Watch out." Kaoru yelled at a rurouni wanderer who happens to never leave her house and also does not have sex with her. *Our relationship is so complicated* Kaoru thought quietly. Kaoru plucked a bunch of crusty old cherry blossoms from the ground and began to distribute her blossoms. They were very brown and got caught in her hair. *I am tormented. I am a tormented soul. Kenshin* Kaoru thought wildly. Then she remembered the fight and decided to look back at the stuff that was just happening before she forgot what just happened. *Yes, the technique! Courage, Kaoru. Courage.*

"Kenshin. They have a technique where they hit your wound two times in a row. I think it is deadly. Or if not deadly, it is hurty!"

"Hurty?" Said the little one.

"Now THAT is not a word." Said the big one. 

"De gozaru. De gozaru, yo? Yo?" Kenshin bantered. 

"Watch out. He is trying to stupefy us, small version of me." Said the big version. 

"I am stupefied" Said the little one.

"No! Don't die. She is now dead. She is dead. Her body no longer holds life."

"De gozaru? Yo? Yo? Yo?"

"Oh no. Now I am also becoming stupefied." 

"Yo? Yo? Oro?" 

"Courage big me. Courage." Said the big one who was still alive. The one that was not dead. 

"Kenshin!!!!!!" Kaoru yelled. 

"Oro? Yo? Yo?" Kenshin said to Kaoru.

"Kenshin. She is about to do that fighting technique that she did before. The one where hit two times and stuffs and could maybe then die and not sure" Kaoru no longer had the courage to speak in proper grammar and died.

"I am now the Battou-sai. Look, my eye is a different colour. It is a yellow eye. My eye is yellow as of now. This is because me is mad." Kenshin feared for his life because he might die because of his grammar was getting badder like Kaoru-dodo. 

"You better watch out because I am ready to do that thing that you are supposed to defend against."

"Ah yes, no-gozaru (I am bad now so I am also rude). The ancient technique. I remember it was used in the Bakumatsu and only the strongest warrior could do it. And defending it also required you to be the strongest warrior."

"That's right, biatch." Said the big one. "In other words."

"Only you can perform it, but also, only you can defend against it no-gozaru." Kenshin finished for her.

"Heh, heh, heh. Yeah, you finished correctly. The technique that I am about to perform is about to be perFORMED!!!" The big one drove her hand in a ball into Kenshin's stomach. He became very winded.

"Ah! I am winded!"

"Yes." The big version of the little dead version said. "And one more move and you will be dead." Said big. "Or Hurty."

"Hurty isn't a word, no-gozaru yo." Kenshin countered with his words. 

"Oh My GOD! You are right!" Said big one. " I must change my ways. I will also, too become a rurouni Kenshin." Exclaimed big. 

"No way, dude. There can be only one, Highlander! HO!" Kenshin slashed his sword into big and big died too. But it is okay because he was battou-sai at the time and his yellow eyes will turn back.

"Kaoru is dead I have nothing to live for." Kaoru's body lay, a cross scar in her cheek and brown cherry blossoms around her. "These cherry blossoms really make me think. Life is so short de gozaru, yo. Ne? Ne, Kaoru-dodo?!" Suddenly a bolt of lightning hit Kaoru's body and now she is alive by some twist of ironic fate. Kaoru coughed.

LEMON CHAPTER. IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY LEMONS, THEN YOU SHOULD BE COMMITED INTO A MENTAL INSTITUTION, YOU FUCKING FRUIT HATER RACIST BITCH.

"I must cough Cough cough!!!!!!!!!!" Kaoru coughed aloud. She looked around. She saw big and little on the floor. "What happened to them?" Kaoru asked Kenshin who was desperately holding her, held her. *Our Passion is so great. And yet I must keep her at arms length.. Oh just one little feel.* Kenshin groped her sensuous bosom. They both orgasm and sweated a lot but then they touched eachother's hair and magically, it was not dirty hair. It was very clean and their bodies were also clean I think because of sweating off all the dirt.

END OF LEMON, CONTINUE HERE freak.

"I am happy." Said Kaoru. "So anyhoo. What happened to Ayame and Suzume?"

"Oro? De gozaru, de gozaru. Yo? Yo? Ayame and Suzume?" 

"Yeah. Dolt Don't tell me? Did you kill them?" She asked rurouni Kenshin.

"I guess I did, oro? Yo yo yo? Said him.

Sano and Yahiko walked in with Dr. Genzai and Megumi and unfortunately, revived the girls so that the series would not be disrupted by something new or original happening after the Kyoto arc.

"Ken-ni chan" Said the big one.

"Yeah, Ken chi chan" said little. 

"Aww. She said it wrong. So cyute!" They all said but not Yahiko because he was secretly planning other stuff and his mind was preoccupied. 

"And the day, is saved. Thanks to my cunning and charm and my ability to stay away from fights by talking and not fighting a lot."

"Kenshin." Said Kaoru.

"Yes, Kaoru-dodo." 

"Since, we. You knowdid it?"

"It? Oro?" Kenshin said.

"You know. IT? The big It?"

"I have no idea what is going on, but please continue Kaoru-dodo."

"Please can you call me koishii or whatever, instead of dodo at the end of my name. Considering we had sex and all." Everyone cheered at that out of surprise but not Yahiko because he was secretly planning stuff and his mind was preoccupied.

"Huh? Uh. We did?" Kenshin said to her.

" YES you fucking moron!" Said her to him.

"Oh, I'm one of those, skip that part of the story because it is too explicit and I'm fourteen so I'm not really apposed to, kind of people." Said rurounin kenshin who was very formal and smiled.

Kenshin no Baka!" Then Akane walked in to give Kaoru her mallet and she proceeded to hit Kenshin in different place on his body. Then Akane left and she fell in love with Ranma, the end.

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http://perfectworld.zerobyzero.ca


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